The Escambia County "Don't Be A Pussy And Wear A Mask" mandate proposed by the Commissar of Perido Key and thousands of other people who don't even fucking live in the state has apparently scared the BOCC shitless and they won't even vote on it tomorrow.
I refuse to wear a mask! It's like wearing a condom on your face and condoms are against the teachings of THE Donald Trump, MAGA, Walmart, The Navy Bluejackets Manual, and The Bible (It's in there somewhere for you heathens to search for). - Commissar of Perdido Key
Commissioner Jeff Bergosh said his emails have been overwhelmed by people writing about the mask issue, but he also questioned the veracity of emails after...
...Commissioner Doug Underhill put out a call in a national anti-mask social media group last week."It's created a lot of difficulty for my aide, Debbie and I, because we pride ourselves on returning every email," Bergosh said. "We've returned literally hundreds of emails. Now, we don't know who our constituents are, and who are folks from out of town who may be hyper-partisan on this issue."
- Pensacola News Journal
The Commissar hails this win as greater a victory than "When we whipped the asses of the Japanese at Pearl Harbor."
"First of all I would like to dedicate this victory to all my constituents who stood by me in this battle. Even though businesses were pissing all over your civil liberties by making you WEAR A MASK you followed my word so we together could squash this nefarious plot being hatched against us. GO MAGA!" 👌
Here are some of my personal reasons why I refuse to wear a mask - CPK 👑
1. Hang a toothpick from my lip. I’m not sure why this is a tough-guy thing, but it is. Kind of like how I can understand why I don’t need to wear a mask, but can’t explain it without getting all pissed off. Especially not to you, Maskhole.
2. Grit my teeth to show that I’m not exactly happy with how close you’re getting to my PT Cruiser. That’s right, the one with a Harley-Davidson sticker. The only souls who can lay hands on this throbbing hunk of American muscle and live to talk about it are me, myself, and the guy at Jiffy Lube who changes the oil for me—so back off, buddy. Or I’ll breathe.
3. Smoke big-ass cigars. Not only does it look boss as hell, it keeps me from eating too much candy. Let’s just say that I’ve earned a reputation for having a sweet tooth, which is why the fellas call me Sweetie. It’s one of those tough-guy nicknames that’s ironic, because I’m anything but sweet. Trust me. I'm a sailor.
4. Smooch bodacious babes. Tattooed tourist hotties who have piercings and hair so red you almost forget that the smoke is coming from my stogie and not their scalps. I’m talking perfect tens, and they’d kill for a night with a sailor like me. My Commissar Facebook page is full of them and they click “like” on all the comments that I leave on their pics.
5. Donald Trump told me not to wear a mask.
풍자
pungja
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