Perdido Key Confidential

Perdido Key Confidential
Twitter @Key_Perdido

Sunday, June 14, 2020

COME TO FLORIDA FOR FUN IN THE SUN AND STAY FOR THE VENTILATOR

Shot at and missed...Shit on and hit! 

You can't find a better description of how I felt the morning after partying down with Miss Flipper. Take it from me - pitchers of garbage draft beer, Afghan black hash, and LSD do not make for a pleasant hangover!

I spent the next day drinking Gatorade, barfing up Gatorade, smoking Thai stick, sleeping, and having flashback nightmares. By Tuesday morning I was feeling like I could safely drive a vehicle. Walking down to the parking garage I was stunned to see that my vintage 'Vette was still in one piece. Not a scratch on it. So I headed up to Publix to pick up some groceries and a couple of bottles of Grey Goose.

I drove down River Road and there they were. It looked like six long lines of coke had been cut on the road except they were the trenches burrowed into it from my .357 magnum. I guess I didn't hallucinate that.

I pulled on my mask and walked into the stores. It was a fucking nightmare! The place was jammed packed with families of biscuit eating tourists and not a one of those dipshits had a mask on. One redneck tried to give me shit about wearing a mask but backed the fuck off real quick when I pulled up my shirt and he saw my .38 snubnose. 

"Anytime you want to get squirrelly, fat boy, you just jump!"

He answered by dropping his six assorted flavored bags of Doritos and tore off to find his inbred family.

Now I like Publix. Great deli. Good beer selection. Great selection of foods. And it is MILF Island! Rich divorced beach babes. Hot as hell and enough dough in the bank to keep looking that hot for another decade or so.



But by now I wanted to just grab my provisions and bug the hell out of there.

As I sat in the parking, taking a short pull of a Grey Goose, I suddenly realized that with all the non-stop coverage of the George Floyd riots, that Trump and his cronies had convinced their brain dead minions that the Covid-19 pandemic was over. 

The Florida morons seemed to have really drank the Kool-Aid with this clown De Santis running the state and the local officials seemingly just wandering about with their thumbs up their asses.


Big Doug Underhill, the Commissar of Perdido Key, and some kind of local politician has a Facebook page where he likes to post his propaganda and delete anyone who tries to post on it unless you are one of the chosen. Here, on 6/1/2020 he says all is good. Get the hell back to work and let's get this ball rolling.

 

6/5/2020 
More of the same bullshit just worded differently.




Well, spank my ass and call me Charlie! About a two weeks after the Memorial Day invasion, the numbers are spiking. What in the shit is that all about? Probably just nursing homes and prisons. Nothing to get your panties in a twist about. 


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There's no Facebook entry from the Commissar about this jump in numbers but I think if he had posted - it would have been something like this.



Suddenly, out of the blue, Florida seems to have shit the bed. Record numbers as Florida spikes!



Doug has traffic issues to worry about!

Aloha


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