Doug Underhill the ‘Tiger King’ of Escambia County
I've never give much of a crap about politics once it gets below the level of mid-size town mayor. Below that, how much power can someone truly have - it's merely a good paying job where you usually don't do jackshit for one or two terms. Cut ribbons opening parks, attending meetings buzzed from your lunch with Jack Daniel's, and telling everybody that "I'm working on it" and "Nothing I can do about it." But man, out here on Perdido Key it's a poor man version of John Gotti behavior from something called a County Commissioner who lives on the island.
"I've met John Gotti and and Douglas Underhill is no John Gotti!"
- Dan Quayle
I've heard the name of course, before him there was this other politician sucking off the Escambia County tit, Rudy Valentinto or something like that. Who really gives a shit? Rudy's probably selling aluminum siding in Oklahoma by now. And Underhill's sweaty mug with a bad military haircut was plastered all over the goddamn place on campaign jargon when ran against Rudy. So it was impossible not to know that he lived on Perdido Key and won the election.
I've still never seen the man. He's like the endangered Perdido Key mouse. The majority of people that claim to have seen one are stuffed full of shit! They're nocturnal, tiny, shy, and look like a gerbil. Moronic tourists love to scream with glee and clap their tiny hands when they see a common island rat and think they've seen the PK mouse.
After a term or two of Doug, I began to sense that islanders had realized that they had elected a micro-Donald Trump, but they still believed his bullshit, much like MAGAs still believe in Trump even though he's burning the country to the ground.
This old crone just down the hall from me had told to me to download an app called NextDoor River Road to get an idea of sweaty Doug. Man, what entertainment
The app itself is crap. By signing on you get a ton of spam in your email box and it always seems out of order in it's timeline. People bitch about their neighbors behavior, hawk their wares on there, give away old toilets, ask if any 17 years old boys would like to cut some MILFs lawn, or beg for money because her boyfriend beat her up and left with all their meth and she needs help.
But it's a time line of Doug Underhill's unbelievably rude and disdainful attitude towards the people who elected and HIS actual next door neighbors on a huge variety of subjects.
I'll start off with the great jet ski controversy for this post because this guy is going to be a gold mine of fun and I think there will be many more postings to come.
Seems Doug runs some sort of renegade jet ski school out his place stuck back in some swampland that borders on the Intercoastal waterway. He calls it "Sanctuary On Old River Road" or "Jonestown," or some nonsense. Anyway, I guess these goddamn things are loud. I mean Jimi Hendrix on mescaline loud. Harley with no pipes loud.
Well, since a lot of people who live out here permanently are retired and they've invested a lot of money for the peace and quiet that they've earned, they're quite understandably pissed their their entire weekends being ruined as the Underhill gang raced up and down the IC every weekend.
The timeline went on for days - a battle royale between his neighbors, his backers, the people who hate the air he breaths, and Underhill himself.
It all ended days later with Underhill threatening to flying in jet ski racers from around the world where he'll put them up and they'll train mornings and afternoons! Constantly
By the way jet ski racing is a trophy sport. It's much like being the Pro Wrestling Heavyweight Champion of Arkansas.
Before I leave let me give you some samples of this epic battle:
THE THREATENING
THE CONSTANT WHINING ABOUT HIS CIVIL RIGHTS. HE CLAIMS THAT HE'S A LIBERTARIAN BUT HE'S A, LYSOL SNIFFING, TRUMP ASS KISSING LACKEY WHO CLAIMS TO BE A LIBERTARIAN JUST SO HE CAN BITCH ABOUT HIS RIGHTS BEING INFRINGED UPON AND HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO WHATEVER THE HELL HE WANTS WITH NO CONSEQUENCES!
IT ALWAYS ENDS WITH UNDERHILL BASICALLY TELLING EVERYONE TO GO PISS UP A ROPE!
By the way, Doug is also a commissioned Naval officer....well a reservist, who also has a GoFundMe account to try to drum up cash for all the people waiting in line to sue him. It's been up forever and has about 5 large in it. i guess his backers love only goes so far.
Aloha
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