DOES FLORIDA AND THE COMMISSAR OF PERDIDO KEY HAVE A DEATH WISH?

Grade A badass Charles Bronson in Death Wish - definitely not to be confused with the Commissar.

This will be the 15th article since I've started this blog and it's had over 1 million hits worldwide (if Trump can inflate the hell out of the numbers, why can't I for my simple blog)!

I've already received several personal messages from some of the readers. So let's share:

Q:

Mr. Goatlips,

I've enjoyed your articles but they really don't provide much information for people coming in on vacation. Maybe you could recommend restaraunts, dolphin watching cruises, Jet-Ski rentals, and other fun stuff.

Karen

A:

KAREN, GET FUCKING REAL GO VACATION IN GODDAMN IOWA!

Q:

Shitbird, Im gonna fine your ass and pull yur nutz off with my ma's big chevy truck.

A:

My nuts got shot off in the war, shitbird! But take a look at this, farmboy Don't you miss home?               

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Q:

Mr. Goatlips,

I find both your articles and your language filthy and very offensive. Don't you know that people who want to come to the Jewel of the Gulf Coast want good positive information. Get your house in order, Buster Brown!

Der Commissar

A:

BITE A FART!

Q:

Goatlips,

You rock, man! Your articles are fucking cool as shit. You're cool as the other side of the pillow.

Biff

A:

I know.

Q:

Hey Goat,

Do any of your contacts think that the Commissar is a failed leftover product of the CIA's mind control program. If, so can they remove the micro-chip they implanted?

Name withheld by request

A:

I SIGNED AN AGREEMENT SO ANY INFO  ON THAT SUBJECT THAT I CAN  PROVIDE IS LIMITED BUT SINCE THAT PROGRAM WAS HEAVY ON THE USE OF LSD, YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO BE WITH THIS GUY WHEN HE'S TRIPPING! SO IF HE WAS A SUBJECT, THEY PROBABLY KICKED HIS ASS OUT OF THE PROGRAM. THANKS FOR THE MESSAGE!

GOAT

Q:

Mr. Goatlips,

Does the Commissar have a death wish for his constituents by acting like COVID-19 is a Democratic conspirary to destroy not only tourism and America and for which it stands?

Chiquita

A:

CHIQUITA,

AFTER A QUICK SEARCH, THE COMMISSAR HAS BEEN QUIET LATELY - WHICH IS STRANGE SINCE HE LOVES SOCIAL MEDIA - AS THE VIRUS SWARMED OVER FLORIDA. THIS WAS HIS FATHER DAY'S POST:

It's sweet how he shits all over divorced fathers who don't live with their kids but have active roles in their lives.

Then out of the blue, testerone pulsing through his veins, the Commissar must speak!

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And today's breaking news

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SO CHIQUITA, YOU'LL HAVE TO MAKE UP YOUR OWN MIND ON THAT ISSUE.

And Escambia County will, too!

MAHALO

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