***UPDATED BREAKING NEWS ON THE TYSON VS JONES FIGHT: A LUTHER HEGGS EXCLUSIVE!*** July 25, 2020
Word on the street is the Tyson-Jones fight which was on course to land in Pensacola is off and will still be held in Carson, California.
There are three main reasons why the fight may not be held in Pensacola - The Cradle of Naval Aviation:
#1
This reporter has learned that an anonymous local source has informed the Tyson camp that Boozehound Productions (A Matt Gaetz Promotion) has a nefarious plan in place to dose Tyson with a mickey prior to the fight. News which naturally infuriated the Champ and has pretty much guaranteed a world class ass beating for Roy Jones.
#2
After Iron Mike learned of Donald Trump and Putin being involved in the promotion he immediately called it off just for the fact that Trump may/or may not have put the magic mushroom to Tyson's ex-wife:
1988 was a year full of interesting relationships for Mike Tyson. Outside of his professional relationship with Donald Trump, he had married actress Robin Givens earlier in the year after less than a year of dating. To say that the couple had a volatile relationship would be putting it mildly. Tyson seemed to be a very paranoid person, especially when it came to his wife, and he reportedly accused many people of being involved with her during their one-year marriage. One of those people was the future president of the United States.
In a 2005 book written by former New York Times reporter Tim O’Brien, “TrumpNation: The Art of Being the Donald,” Donald Trump is quoted as saying that the relationship between himself and Mike Tyson got a little tense when the champ accused him of sleeping with Robin Givens (h/t New York Post).
“He said, ‘Could I ask you, Are your fucking my wife?’ Now, if I froze, I’m dead . . . You would have zero chance. Here’s the heavyweight champion of the world, and he’s a solid piece of fucking armor.” - Donald J. Trump
Tim O’ Brien’s “TrumpNation: The Art of Being the Donald” - Sportscasting.Com
The philanderers lunch at the supposed scene of the crime, Trump's boat.
#3
The purse bids are in and Tyson commented "Why should I fly all the way to a Corona Virus infected swampland to beat the shit out of Roy Jones when I can do it right here and make the same amount of jack?"
I will continue to post updates on this breaking story.
- Luther Heggs
Independent News
7/25/2020
🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄
Exclusive BREAKING NEWS By Luther Heggs- Independent News
DATE: 7/24/2020
It was announced yesterday that Roy Jones, Jr. of right here in Pensacola will be taking on Iron Mike Tyson in Carson, California on September 12th. The fight will be available on PPV and streaming on Triller.
First let's cut through the pure bullshit of this "fight"! Which is being billed as a eight round exhibition.
This is the current condition of Mike Tyson who appears that he could you hit you so hard that your liver would explode like a Perdido Key beach mouse that you squished when you were doing acid.
*Disclaimer: That may or may not have happened since I thought I was stomping a huge orange Gila monster and the whole mess could have been a huge hallucination anyway that I blame on that asshole, Goatlips, who I suspect dosed me at that party that Hot Karl threw!*
RJJ appearing at some MMA shit over in Pensacola beach. He could be mistaken for James "Light Out" Toney when Toney was fighting in the heavyweight divison.
⮝
Pictured in his last fight where Roy of Florida won the coveted World Boxing Union (German Version)Cruiserweight title (WTF?) against Scott Sigmon,...
...who hails from Bedford, Virginia and the fight was held in Pensacola so how Germany tied into the fiasco was anybody's guess. By the time that fight rolled around RJJ had actually morphed into...
...James Toney.
But hold the hell on sports fans! Here's a little tidbit the casual fan doesn't know:
ROY JONES, JR IS A RUSSIAN CITIZEN!
It’s official: Roy Jones Jr is a Russian citizen!
The four-division champion widely regarded as one of the finest prizefighters of his generation was presented his Russian passport in a ceremony on Tuesday at the Federal Migration Service’s offices in Moscow.
“I am Russian,” Jones, 46, said in Russian.
Vladimir Putin had signed a decree to grant citizenship to Jones in September after the boxer announced his intent to apply during an August meeting with the Russian president in Crimea, the territory annexed by Russia last year. Putin granted the request on the grounds that Jones “intends to spend a significant part of his life working in Russia” according to the Kremlin’s official website.
Three of Jones’ past nine fights have taken place on Russian soil. Though nearly a decade removed from competitive relevance, Jones’ career has taken on something of a ‘world tour’ feel in recent years: showcase bouts against hopelessly overmatched opponents in such far-flung locales as Poland, Latvia and North Carolina, often punctuated with in-ring musical performances by the fighter himself.
“Thank you, Vladimir Putin. I’m really glad to have become a Russian citizen. Russia’s such a welcoming country, and many people in the world want to become her citizens,” Jones said according to the agency’s website. “This is one of the happiest days of my life.”
Following Jones’ meeting with Putin in Crimea, Ukraine placed the fighter on a blacklist of “traitors”, “separatists” and “terrorists”.
- THE GUARDIAN
But after today's late breaking news by Trump, who has finally figured out that Florida is the fucking corona virus capital...
...of the good old U.S. of A. and doesn't want to risk his own ass going to Jacksonville, pulled the GOP convention out of the state. This reporter has been given information by an source who wishes to remain anonymous that this "fight" has taken on a political aspect.
Donald Trump, although he's slinking away from Florida like a whipped syphilitic mule, still wants to make a strong statement in the State, and this anonymous source has learned that Trump has people involved in trying to move the fight to Pensacola, Florida.
Almost immediately after this fight was announced, Bill Barr,
the Head Honcho of the Trump Gestapo...
...and his second in Command, Chad Wolf...
 |
| Actually SS Leader Reinhard Heydrich |
 |
| Here's Chad Wolf |
...placed a call to the Commissar of Perdido Key and interrupted him while he was in the middle of his fireside chat with the good people of Escambia County. The topic being the cost of fireworks on the Fourth of July...
...(What the hell's the date? Oh Christ! Forget it!)and Big Bill didn't give a shit!
"You have failed in your meager assignment to keep that fuckwit Roger Stone under control...
...and in doing so you have brought great shame upon the MAGA community and THE DONALD himself. Luckily, for you there will be no further repercussions because we have assigned a top notch man to take over operations in NW Florida. First thing in order is we are bringing the Roy Jones - Mike Tyson fight to Pensacola in September."
"But Mr. Barr the Bayfront Center in Pensacola can't possibly hold the amount of people who would come to...."
"Silence! Not another word from your cakehole unless spoken to! If you haven't been following the national political news, the GOP convention is not going to be in Jacksonville because your goddamn state is burning down with COVID-19. The fight will be held in some small venue with few attendees. It's going to be on PPV and Online. It could held in Kimbo Slices'..
RIP
...backyard or in a barn in goddamn Iowa and no one would give a shit. So let me spell it out for you in the way I may speak to a retarded child..
...Putin loves Roy Jones. THE DONALD loves Putin. THE DONALD owes Putin. So Jones will win the fight in Pensacola...knocking Tyson out...thrilling the MAGA Movement and most importantly Putin, who could toss his weight towards us in November again. And we have the added bonus of sending the Federal Police into Pensacola and honing their baton skills on some of those fucking weird radical groups down there in that mosquito pit."
"Mr. Barr, I'll do anything! Anything to help out on this mission!"
"That's good little soldier. I knew you would jump back up on the horse. I may have a mission for you but I would consider it very, very dangerous."
"Anything, Sir, but I'm a sail.."
"Someone's going to have to pull a Peter Lorre and somehow get by his security and slip Mike Tyson a mickey before the fight and I think you know who that is. You can get back to your fucking firecrackers now."
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
 |
| THE UNDERCARD FEATURES: *MIDGET WRESTLING* *LADY WRESTLING* *HILLBILLY STYLE MMA* *DWARF TOSSING & *A SPECIAL FEATURE* A PERSONAL APPEARANCE BY KOOL-AID KRISTI, THE DONALD'S FAVORITE PLUS-SIZE MAGA GIRL. KRISTI WILL BE PERFORMING HER FAMOUS HOBOKEN SQUAT COBBLER.  |
THE BOUT WILL BE HELD AT THE HISTORIC AMERICAN LEGION IN PENSACOLA ON BARRANCAS AVENUE. LONG A HOME FOR ELITE PRO WRESTLING AND WEEKLY SWING DANCES, IT HAS BEEN CLOSED DUE TO A SHOOTING AT THE LAST EVEN HELD THERE. DUE TO COVID-19 THERE WILL BE NO TICKETS SOLD TO THE PUBLIC.
ЭТО ИТОГО БУЛЬШИТ - Luther Heggs
No comments:
Post a Comment